During one of my recent commutes, I heard a commercial on the radio for a New York law firm talking about people’s “fear” of the divorce process. When I hear the term “fear”, it brings to mind the phrase uttered by FDR to the effect that “the only thing we have to fear is fear itself”. I believe that this expression rings true when it comes to divorce. When I consult with a prospective client, one of my most important jobs is to reassure that person that there should be nothing to fear from the divorce process and of making the leap of moving on from an unhappy, unhealthy, and/or destructive relationship.
Perhaps fear is too strong a word. Apprehension. Trepidation. Nervousness. Embarrassment. Concern. Ignorance (i.e. a lack of knowledge). These seem to better reflect the range of feelings and emotions that I see from most of my prospective clients when they first meet with me. Whether these consultations are conducted in person, virtually, or over the phone, my experience is generally the same. Regardless of whether the person is a man or a woman, their voice is full of emotion. Their voice may crack. They have trouble finding the right words or even getting the words out. They may tear up. Often they feel the need to apologize. But no apology is needed. I assure them that what they are feeling is real, is normal, and to assure them that I am there to help them and to listen to what they have to say. Gradually, those acute emotional feelings begin to subside. They become more comfortable in opening up as to what is going on in their lives and why they are considering the possibility of divorce. After having done this work for almost 40 years, the reasons why people are considering divorce are often similar; however, everyone’s life story is personal to them and is entitled to respect and understanding. It is not only important to hear but to listen. And when someone senses this, a client will not only lose their apprehension in speaking to whom only minutes ago was a perfect stranger, but will be receptive to answering the questions us attorneys must ask to learn exactly what the issues are in a given case and to provide the appropriate advice and knowledge to the client to move forward with whichever course of action they may want to pursue.
When it comes to divorce, fear can be a most negative emotion. Fear can be paralyzing. Fear can cloud one’s judgment. Fear can lead to rash and imprudent decisions. Fear can lead to harm to oneself or others. This destructive side of fear can arise at any time. Hence my job is not only to temper it at the outset but to prevent it from infiltrating my client’s psyche throughout the process. At the outset of a representation, it is important for a client to know that they have someone that listens, that has explained the law, their rights, and the divorce process. However, as the disputes surface, and the reality of the marriage’s end arise, an attorney’s job is to provide a constant state of assurance and not allow one’s emotions to take over. Being there, listening, explaining, and advocating hopefully serve as an antidote from destructive emotions such as fear overrunning a case.
For over four decades the law firm of James P. Yudes, PC has prided itself with zealously advocating on behalf of our clients, of using our knowledge and experience in achieving the best outcome possible for them, and of eliminating fear from the divorce process.